Happy Belated Father's Day

I can remember the song "Lead Me" being played so often two years ago...almost to the point of "O.K., enough already." When we finally took the time to listen to the words, we realized what a beautiful prayer this is for fathers. Being the head of the household has to be the toughest job. So many of my friends who are moms are taking on both roles as a parent with their children. There are no words to express how difficult that must be. Thankfully, we can always turn to our Heavenly Father for guidance.

The following poem was sent to me a few months after Grace died. It has given me a different perspective on the grief of a father.

It must be very difficult to be a man in grief,
since "men don't cry" and "men are strong",

no tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult to stand up to the test
 and field the calls and visitors, so she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's alright and what she's going through,

but seldom take his hand and ask, "My friend, what about you?"
He hears her cry in the night and thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her, but "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult to start each day anew
 and try to be so very brave - He lost his baby, too.

Author unknown

Bob is away this week, and I have him on my mind. I wrote the following thoughts 6 or 7 months into this...around October or November of 2010. It was titled "Bob".
As Bob and I were eating breakfast this morning, I asked him if he missed me while he was at work. He said that he misses me every day. Hearing that, you'd think that he's gone all the time. He works 1 day and has 2 days off. I started laughing when he said that, because as innocently as he meant this, I thought of how true it is that he misses me. To him, it probably feels like I've been gone for months.

I’ve often wondered how we would have handled this if it happened years ago, when we were first married. Of course with God’s help. Marriage can be difficult on a “normal day”, but when something life-changing is thrown into your ideal little world, things become so different. We have become different. For us, I feel that God has strengthened an already good marriage. For that, I am so thankful.

Many have told us that losing a child is the most difficult thing that will ever happen. As a couple, I agree. It could be the worst thing, if we let it. Personally, I think that the most difficult cross I'd be chosen to carry would be losing Bob. Who would be there with his comforting arm around me while sitting in church? Who'd be here listening to me “vent”, once again, about something that I've talked about 100 times already? I already know the answer to that question…the One who never leaves or forsakes us.

I know that Bob gets frustrated with me. Our feelings are different. That's what's been so difficult about losing Grace. I've always felt as though I'm alone in this...God is here, but I still feel alone. Bob has listened to and witnessed the meltdowns and tears...more tears in the last 6 months than he's seen in almost 19 years of marriage. This is what it finally took to get me to open up and talk...to really talk to Bob. So many blessings continue to come from this.

There were, and still are, times that I’d just start crying. Bob would ask why and I would just shrug my shoulders, because I didn't know why. Now if I do, I just say, “Because I can.” I remember back to a day in August when Bob and I were sobbing in the kitchen. (Sorry for sharing that, Bob.) I said, “It's o.k. if I cry. I'll feel better.” He said, “You always say that, but I don't think that you believe it.” I said, “I believe it, because God promises that we'll see joy again,”...and we have, so many times. In our lifetime, we've been blessed with so much taken-for-granted joy, happiness, and contentment. Those things far outweigh our grief and sadness. Thankfully, the sadness only lasts for a little while…even if that ‘little while’ is the rest of my earthly life…it’s temporary.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.    2 Corinthians 4:17,18

(I’m so glad that I kept a journal, or the following words of comfort would have been forgotten…2 years later.) “Though you will always think of Grace, you will also be filled with the underlying joy of knowing where she is now...in the glories of heaven, and in time, that joy will 'trump' the sorrow you now feel.”

We absolutely believe this and continue to experience joy…temporary joy that is ‘seen’ and the sure hope of eternal joy that is ‘unseen’.

We have t-shirts that say on the front "Always thankful for Grace". The Wendt girls are just as thankful for Bob and dad.

Happy Father's Day!