A Different Kind of Mother’s Day

We picked these flowers from Grace's garden to put in church on Mother's Day.
I'm finding different flowers opening each week.
This week we'll enjoy lillies ~callas, stargazer, and day lillies.

With Mother’s Day approaching, I’ve been thinking about moms and those who continue to pray for a child…praying to hear the name “Mom”. I think about those whose mothers are living in heaven, and mothers who have a child or children living in heaven.

There are so many different faces of moms. I’m thinking of those who grieve or mourn. There are moms who have lost their husband to death or divorce, a sibling, a parent or both parents, a child, several children, a grandparent, a grandchild, a friend, or any loved one. There are moms who have lost their health and fight to live so they can be here for their family. Some moms grieve a childhood that was filled with abuse and neglect as they try to give their children something better…a nurturing, Christian home filled with love.

I often think of my grandma. She frequently talked about her loved ones that she lost before I was ever born. I’ve missed her so much more since Grace died. (When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always wanted to be just like her.) At that time, however, I didn’t understand just how difficult her life was. Her life was filled with grief, and with God’s help she carried on. She had no choice. She lost her mother at a young age and cared for her siblings and dad…then later on, her husband and children…on the farm. How I wish I would have talked to her more about her loved ones. But, as I often hear now, I just didn’t know. I never had a clue as to what it was like to feel so broken until our lives changed. Thankfully, God spared me until later in life. His timing is perfect.

It seems as though people just weren’t allowed to openly grieve years ago. I still hear today, “We just didn’t talk about it.” That explains everything! I often say that’s why no one was smiling in old photographs. I’ve talked to so many moms who lost children several years ago. Almost all of them said that they were never allowed to talk about it. It’s unbearable to keep all of that inside. The weight of that “grief brick” doesn’t lessen when it’s kept tucked away in one’s pocket.

I started thinking more about the different faces of mothers after receiving an email from a friend. She is a mom who grieves. Her husband died unexpectedly 4 months before Grace died. She is raising her children without him. She must go on to help them through this as she prays for strength for herself. My heart feels so heavy for her as I write this.

Another friend fights to live so she can be here for her husband and 5 children. She is a mom who looks healthy, but a different story was told under the wig and behind the makeup and false eyelashes that she was wearing when I last saw her. She grieves her health…something that I continue to take for granted. Thankfully, she and her family will be blessed to share another Mother’s Day and her birthday this month.

So many moms expected a different kind of Mother’s Day. Until last year, I had no idea what a bittersweet day this is. As I already mentioned, there are so many who pray to celebrate this day, but God has different plans for them. There are those who were pregnant, maybe even on Mother’s Day, only to celebrate this day the following year with a child they didn’t get to hold or held for only a little while. Some have empty, aching arms longing to hold their baby or babies. They are mothers, but no one would know it by looking at them.

Many times, I have grieved the death of our healthy baby. I forget that Grace was conceived with a condition that, if she had lived, would have been filled with a life of struggles. God made her perfect and whole when He carried her home. How heartbreaking, but I also pray rewarding, for those families who have been chosen to care for children who have special needs or other health challenges. In Genesis 3:16 God says, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing…” He certainly does. I remember this passage often as I hear of a parent whose child is battling cancer. Or parents who have their day-to-day struggles with their healthy children…me included.

How does grief affect those around us? We know that life goes on. We’re made aware of that as soon as our lives are abruptly brought to a halt. Everything continues to go on around us. We have no choice but to keep going…even if it’s just going through the motions for a while. Some of us have families to care for. How difficult to do for the mom who is missing her husband. I know that I’ve often felt as though I haven’t been given enough time to sort things out. Why? Because, thankfully I have other children at home that need me…whether or not I’m completely “here”, they still need me. Day-to-day life continues on…tantrums, bickering, bills, etc. Some would give anything to have that as they look at an empty crib or bed. I have friends who expected to be caring for their child this Mother’s Day, but their home is quiet…the kind of quiet that is deafening.

What a blessing it is to have mothers in our lives…biological, adoptive, or those who are like a mother to us. Whether we can share Mother’s Day with our mom or remember our time spent with her…Whether we can share this day with our children here on earth or imagine what kind of day they are spending in heaven…Whether you can be a motherly figure to others when God’s answer is different than your prayer of holding one of your own…I pray that we can all see the blessings of this day.